While listening to an interview with Martin Sheen on On Being which is hosted by Krista Tippett on NPR, I was impressed with the rich spirituality of Martin Sheen. Although I have long admired him, I am not a person who tends to make time to find out more about actors that I respect and appreciate. I had no idea that his background was one of being the son of Spanish and Irish parents who had 10 children who lived. It was not surprising that they were Catholic or that he drifted away from that church for many years. It was also not surprising that later, as an adult, he had moments or perhaps it was a gradual process of coming back to himself and in the process coming back to the framework of Catholicism which was such a rich part of his childhood.
It did surprise me that the book The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky had such a profound influence on him although, once I thought about it, I recalled how affected I was about many of his works. I admit, however, that I did not recall much about the book. I have now downloaded it to my Kindle and will reread. I also did not realize that Dorothy Day was also influenced and affected by that book. Mr. Sheen – Ramon Antonio Gerardo Estevez – uses the phase “a deep longing for connection” to describe that seemingly basic need for all of we humans. Yet, as all of we humans know, we seem to be very frightened and even embarrassed by this need. Perhaps this is especially true in the United States, where we have built a history on the base of the illusion that we can and should be independent – as a country, as individuals, families, or communities. What is most striking and most damaging about that illusion of independence is that it also separates us from ourselves. One cannot be disconnected from oneself without also then being disconnected from all others or from the rest of the universe/God of one’s understanding.
Without accepting and satisfying that deep need for connection we are in deep pain and will do anything to avoid that pain – often anything short of facing and confronting our fear of what we will discover about ourselves. We drink or use other mind altering drugs, eat, chase after power or money, or engage in activities which are risky or dangerous enough to demand our attention – at least for a moment, but in the end we are always left exhausted and aware of the hole within us. I was just talking to a wonderful person who, like me, gets so busy with life tasks that she feels a sense of ‘dis ease.’ She always does her best to be present for others but has tried to do this without having to be present to herself.
Why do we run from this deep need for connection? As a friend just said to me, “Getting close hurts too much because we always, in the end, lose them.” For years she and her sister, for whatever reasons, were not close. Finally they got close and her sister was often by her side. Last night her sister was at home and suddenly died. Today my friend feels all alone again. She feels as if she does not want to live. She also feels as if it would have been better if she and her sister had never reconnected. I can certainly understand her feelings but I also know the life of her sister was richer because of my friend and my friend’s life was richer because of her sister. For my friend to connect with herself is to connect with the fear of being alone now that her sister is deceased. It may seem to her that it is better to run from the fear and, yet, if she wants to heal she must fully experience the fear and the acute pain of loss. It may feel as if she is humpty dumpty and about to break into a million pieces if she falls off her seat on the wall, but the miracle is that we can only be whole if we are first willing to fall apart (at least that is how it feels).
It would seems that the physicists are right – that regardless of whether we believe in the big bang theory, divine creation, or the universal laws of “nature” without explaining the source of these laws, all the pieces of the universe are interconnected. When we fail, because of illness, fear or some other reason, to satisfy that deep need for connection – that seemingly innate need to be rejoined to our role in the whole - we are going to feel a profound sense of non-being. We will, in other words, cease to exist and be floating aimlessly in space. Is this not the description of hell – without or without the fire – that place where we wander without a purpose or without being loved/connected.
Whether we are Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Pagan, a member of some other organized religious or philosophical group, or associated with a group of people who are proudly proclaiming that they have no need to be part of the mass, we are interdependent. If we are wired in a way which does not allow us to experience the mirror image of relationships, we long to be connected. It may be that connection to animals other than humans is the safest connection we can experience. If our brain is wired to feel disconnected from humans, we may long to be a hermit connected to nature and the other animals. We may not be able to process the energy forces of other humans, but we will still find a way to connect.
It is December and some groups have just finished celebrating the Festival of Lights. Others recently celebrated Milad un Nabi, and still others will be celebrating Christmas. Many who follow the Georgian calendar will soon be welcoming the new year with religious services or quiet times of reflection. Some will acknowledge their interconnection to all of the universe. Others will celebrate what they believe is their uniqueness. Yes, even in this “unique” group there is a need to connect with other like-minded people.
The universe does not reject us or our deep need for connection. We may reject the invitation to connect while searching for connection. That, after all, is the paradox. It is by searching for ourselves that we lose ourselves and it is by losing ourselves that we find ourselves.
T. S. Eliot in Four Quartets said: “We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”
Whether we look to Aristotle, Rumi, Mother Theresa, Martin Sheen, Maya Angelou, Jesus, or others, we find the same message that it is only by letting go of the illusion of who we think we are or who we think we need to be that we find ourselves.
Fredrich Nietzsche in the prologue to The Spoke Zaratustra says:
“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”
I might say that one has to face the chaos which is oneself to give birth to a dancing star.”
Written December 19, 2015
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